Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
