Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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