Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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