Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
