There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i think i just lost a toe
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