if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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