I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
