So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
