I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
