We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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