I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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