You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
