U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
