So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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