I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
