before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
