You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
