my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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