I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
