i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
