i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
