yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
