i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
