Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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