Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
