My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
