I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
