11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
