"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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