We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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