i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
