whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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