Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
