at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
