I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
