is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
