people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
