need another drink. this is the easiest way
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
