i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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