Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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