maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
