That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
