she looked like the before picture.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
