he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
