heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
