I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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