I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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