Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
