If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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