so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We don't watch enough power rangers
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
A+ Viking dick
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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