Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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