so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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