I wanna bring you to show and tell
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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