your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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