I cut my penus on the lid.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
