Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
